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text @shadowheart (cw light emeto)

[nightsung]

[ Sometime while he’s nothing but a stitched-up body—after Ani’s head delivery, after a group of them have investigated the gore of it. Shadowheart’s more than used to viscera, and this is exactly the viscera she and Jinx wanted, but on her way back to her cottage she can’t stop seeing Saber’s severed head behind her eyelids, and she stops in someone’s autumn-bare garden to heave, dizzy, even though nothing comes up.

Sometime after that, and after the accusations, and after Stephen doesn’t tell her his role before telling the whole village. After Cellar tells her about the time he saved her. Saber’s phone is probably dead, and this won’t go through, and it won’t matter. ]

Sometimes

I think about how you looked for just a moment after I saved your life. Not when you kissed my hands-but when you stood in my bathroom, wide-eyed, like a boy. Like you didn’t know how you got there. Just for a moment.

I don’t know what’s wrong with you. We were so deep inside each other last month I should understand better than I do. I don’t know what’s wrong with me for wanting you.

At the Cloister I think some of us turned out like you. Less reckless, perhaps, because the reckless ones end up dead. Like you. I don’t think any of us are born like this. I think we’re shaped, we’re made.

I have to unmake myself to not be like you. Not angry or crude but a weapon, honed. I do understand that part of you.

I hope you come back better. I know you won’t.